when i look in the mirror.

one.
things you touch turn silent.

hearts can be blacked, burnt, ashy - but you take the ashes and burn, burn, burn them until there's only a memory left, a memory that's all edges and icicles.

you leave me cold, empty and
i don't want to breathe anymore.


two.
'darling, you would do well to remember-

you can't have a light at the end of the tunnel
if you have no tunnel.

darling, you would do well to remember -

you are not empty. you are not empty.
[it's still hurting, after all. it's still hurting
and you don't want to live,
but you're not empty.]

darling, you would do well to remember-

they love you. they love you,

they love you.

even if you're not sure why.'


three.
you wish gravity would hurry up and take you.

maybe then you'd finally crash, instead of falling all the time.

maybe then it'd be over.

maybe.


four.
there is a war in your eyes, a fight for survival, a will to breathe, live, smile again.

you miss the laughter and the light you used to have. you miss making people smile.
you miss opening your mouth to catch raindrops on your tongue, spinning in circles and laughing just because you can, just because you're alive.

you miss being happy.

but there's no light in your eyes anymore, is there?


five.
smile for me.
smile for me, please.

because i can't.