i. have you ever been so hungry that, when food is finally ready and it's burning hot, you're not willing to wait?
because i want to love someone like this. love someone so much it doesn't matter if i get burned. love someone so much that it just. can't. wait.
i want to love someone so much that i'm not afraid anymore. not afraid of the consequences, of getting hurt, or of losing myself. i want to love someone so much that it's consuming and i can do nothing but love, love, love.
ii. sometimes, i wish i didn't have so many shots at a decent future. sometimes, i wish the only future i could ever have would be in writing. maybe then people would leave me alone to chase my passion.
[i hate this about myself. i hate that i can't just be grateful for what i have. i hate this secret.]
iii. i worry that one day, when i call up a friend, she'll answer the phone and ask, 'who's speaking?'
i'll say, 'alyssa.'
she'll ask, 'who?'
my greatest fear is being forgotten.
iv. when i can't think of anything to write, i think of you. i think of who you are and who you aren't and what you mean to me and what you don't and never will.
the only problem?
i have no fucking idea who you are.
v. i like to think luck hates me. because it does.
and five is my secret lucky number.