last night the electricity went out in my neighborhood.

last night i lit some candles and burnt my fingers in the process. i watched the flames flicker in the dark and i stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and wondered why it looked different, somehow.

last night i remembered how sometimes, when i touch people, i shock them with static electricity. and i wondered if this has any significance.

last night i reread your letters and counted them. nine. there used to be ten, but i threw one away when we had that fight, remember? and i spent the next day looking unsuccessfully in the trash for it and wishing i could control my temper.

last night i wrote 'i wish you were here' on a piece of paper, but i'm not sure who the you was. maybe it was everyone.

last night i cleaned my room just to mess it up again, mostly because i like messing things up. maybe this is some strange revenge on the world for messing me up. i'm not sure.

last night i tried to write but it only ended up as a bunch of messy scribbles. but it was okay; the scribbles were more beautiful than my words can ever dream of being.

last night i called a random number and the answering machine picked up. i just sat there, breathing and wishing i had someone to talk to. anyone.

last night i filled my stomach with food, hoping that it would fill my heart; get rid of the empty feeling in me. i ate and ate and ate, but it didn't work.

i only ended up sick and on the cold floor of my bathroom, puking.

last night i drew hearts on my wrist and watched them fade. and then, when i got tired of seeing them, i scrubbed them off. and for whatever reason, it made me feel better.

last night i stayed awake because i'm afraid of dreaming.

last night i mostly just missed you because the stupid electricity in my neighborhood went out.