[x]

don't bend too far.keep breathing,
they tell you, but

you are tracing your self-inflicted scars,
lit up by moonlight. you are dancing recklessly,
eyes closed, waiting to collide with something, anything. you are
closed ears, icy blood, darkened dreams,
almost-broken lungs, and they say

keep breathing, keep
breathing,

but
you have no time to listen
to things you don't understand.

.

horror stories seem much brighter at night,

and hope fades in comparison. see, you have
glass running through your veins, waiting
to pierce your heart, running faster and faster
until they collide with your lungs, and

dear god,
you can't breathe.

.

you are killi

ocean burning.one.

before she met you, she would reach for the sun while standing on the branches of trees, arms stretched towards the sunlight, reaching and waiting.

now, happiness is like a summer memory in the dead of winter - still there, but fading too fast to hold onto. now, she sits on rooftops with you at night, and the two of you watch as the city lights go out one by one.

two.

sometimes, when you laughed, she was reminded of the wind rushing through trees in winter - melodic and beautiful, but still cold, unforgiving.

the two of you watched the waves of the ocean take away the beach, piece by piece.

you were the waves.

she was the sand.

t

when i look in the mirror.one.
things you touch turn silent.

hearts can be blacked, burnt, ashy - but you take the ashes and burn, burn, burn them until there's only a memory left, a memory that's all edges and icicles.

you leave me cold, empty and
i don't want to breathe anymore.

two.
'darling, you would do well to remember-

you can't have a light at the end of the tunnel
if you have no tunnel.

darling, you would do well to remember -

you are not empty. you are not empty.
[it's still hurting, after all. it's still hurting
and you don't want to live,
but you're not empty.]

darling, you would do well to remember-

they love you. they love you,

they love

things worth remembering.we could sing soft lullabies under the stars,
songs about happiness and dreams
and a perfection that's flawed, a perfection
that's reachable.

a perfection that's you.

.

we'd go to the park, maybe,
just to watch the wind kiss the flowers,
and you'd name all of them.

'just because they're lonely',
you'd say. 'just because

they need love too.'

you need love, too.

.

if your heart was a color,
it'd be bright, beautiful, and

crayola would be jealous.

.

you deserve dreams and hope,
a happy ending and a fairytale
worth believing in. you deserve
happy days, smiles. you deserve
a penguin named stuart and chocolate,
a comet and an

ashes.the sky is all ashes today, painted black with the burnt ruins with what-used-to-be.

words are all i have left, so i guess i should say them, even if you'll never hear them:

i would've painted the world pink for you, just to make you smile [even though we both know i'd rather it be blue]. i would've jumped off a bridge with you, felt the wind screaming into my skin and fear rushing through my being, just to hold your hand. i would've ripped down all my glass walls if it meant you'd let me in.

we could've drawn a map of the world and then, maybe, we wouldn't feel so lost. but we'd probably screw it up anyway since we're both bad at directio

we're all glass bottles.1.
somewhere, there is a superhero meant for me, clad in a black cape and hope, adrenaline jumping in iron veins.

we could be a racing river, and no dam could ever hold us in. we could be a fire that no one could put out (i'd be the ashes if he'd be the flame), or maybe even a gust of wind that no wall could ever stop.

maybe we could live in a cave, away from the noise and pain, or maybe we'd live in the clouds and eat dreams all day. maybe we could catch fireflies and pray for the lights to stay lit another moment, just so we could finally hang onto something.

maybe i'd learn to bottle my fears and doubts - and then, maybe, i'd break the

things that matter.1
even on the gray days, your eyes flicker dimly with hope. there is still a comet in the night sky, somewhere, singing your dreams and hopes for you.

even in the darkest silence, your heart is still beating, softly, musically. you just have to listen. you just have to hope.

2
you haven't lost yet.

sometimes, life feels like a horrible play, and everyone is outperforming you. sometimes, you lose yourself in the characters you play. you forget your lines. you trip. you screw up.

but it's not over yet. there's always a chance for a happier tomorrow.

but more than that - there's still the rest of today to be lived.
it's not too late.

3

memories.my mind replays
memories of us
each night, and

i am lost, lost

lost

in the shadows of
your eyes, the curve
of your almost-smiles,
the lullabies in your
voice, the sound of
your footsteps.

don't wake me up
just yet.

.

i told you that
i would change, that
i'd paint the sky violet
for you, that i would

miss you, and i could

catch you a rainbow,
or a heart beat,
or star, or a smile,
or whatever you want,

but 'whatever you want'
was not me, and

i was never enough
to make you stay.

.

all i ever wanted
was for you to say
'i love you',

but i guess
some things
are better left unsaid.

passport to no where.i dream of spaceships
and night skies and sunlight
sneaking through cracks
in the clouds, and i

wish hope could sneak through
the cracks in my heart. i've
tried to find my hope,
but i think i might have

lost it.

.

i'm tired
of giving up, so
could you teach me
how to hold on and have
strength and could you
clean my wounds
for me,

and would you please
promise me
you won't

fade

away from me?

.

i dream of rockets
and rainbows and
escaping to a
magical land full of
happiness and hope,
but this is only

a passport
to no where.

and when the music stops. one.

i tried to dance on the breath of time with you, but
i only ended up tripping.

i would've let you be the rocket if i would've been space.
[space is black, lonely, empty.
rockets are hopeful, beautiful. rockets are goingsomewhere.]

two.

this is the shadow of a memory, the breath of a chance.
we could've spent the rainy days chasing the dreams in your heart.
and maybe, if we had more time, we could've looked into ourselves and thought of ourselves as a garden.

maybe then we would've realized that the weeds are there for a reason.

maybe then you would've believed me when i c

cracks.before, you were the cracks in my bones, the stains in my carpet and the blood from my wounds.

but you told me that there is no point in speaking if no one is listening.

and you never were, so now you are only the dead silence that lingers in my heart.

.

you gave me flowers for my birthday.

'no thanks', i said, shaking my head. 'they'll only die.'

you smiled. 'but that's why i picked them - to watch them die. isn't it beautiful?'

and i could only wonder if you picked me for the same reason.

.

i used to think i was made of glass; breakable and fragile. and once it's broken, no one can put the pieces back together just right.

but you

balance beams.one.

it is three a.m.
and even the crickets are
sleeping. the only sounds
are the commercials on t.v.
and the soft noise of my
breathing.

it is three a.m.
and my night light is broken
and it is too dark, too
quiet, and there is a monster
in my heart and

he won't go away.

two.

just so you know:

i named the monster
after you.

three.

i dreamed that we were
in a cave, black and blue. there was
a bottomless lake full of hope
and unwanted memories, and
we were

running, screaming, searching
for an exit
only to find

that there wasn't one.

four.

i spend my life on balance beams,
and

i can only try
not to fall off.

five.

photographs of us.one.

the first thing i noticed about you was your smile. it pulled me in, and i was a fool for not resisting.

i guess you could say i loved your smile more than i loved you.

two.

we watched a thunderstorm from your porch, leaves and rain falling down, wind howling, thunder roaring.

you said the flashes of lightning were beautiful, and you watched them with your eyes closed.

but i couldn't bring myself to close my eyes, not even for a second.

i was too busy staring at you.

three.

we were standing on a bridge, watching the water run run run beneath us. fireflies danced in the air, playing a game of tag that i could only watch; never jo

sunshine.before, she would look at the stars and wonder if her someone was out there, somewhere, looking at the same ones. she'd dream of magic and flying and wishes that come true. she'd say tomorrow will be better, tomorrow will be better. and she hoped it would be.

silence didn't scare her back then. see, she was too busy looking at the clouds and comets to worry about the imperfections and the dangers of flying.

open doors didn't remind her of people leaving. they just reminded her of chances, risks worth taking. her heart sang a lullaby filled of hope and happiness and learning how to stand again, learning how to breathe. her heart still knew

losing.i.
my eyes are hollow.

happiness is hiding from me,
silence is stalking, suffocating.

how do i smile?

ii.
the roads are too long, too
slippery. it's too easy to get lost.

and i have no map.

could someone be my map?
please?

iii.
'you haven't lost
until you've given up,'
they remind me.

'don't give up.'

iv.
sometimes i wonder -

what if i already have given up?
have i lost, then?

v.
stop asking me to breathe, please.
stop asking me to live.
stop asking me to be happy.

i don't want to.

vi.
if God could see me now,
what would He think of me?

[it can't be good.]

vii.
sunshine hurts my eyes.

the only cage i'm in is one

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More from ~Amertie

but she loved you.she is the girl
that doesn’t want you to fall in love
with her. the one that
wears dirty red ribbons in her hair
because she feels like she
deserves the dirty feeling.

she is the one that
will not wait for you
even if you waited forever for her.
she doesn’t think she deserves you.

and this is going to break her,
slowly, and she’s going to bite
her tongue and bleed because

she’s sorry she ever wasted your time.

i'm afraid.i’ve only just now come to realize how afraid i am.

i’m afraid of heights. did you know that? no? well, i am. i’m not afraid of being up high, really. i like the adrenaline rush. but i know from experience: the higher you are, the longer your fall.

and i am terribly afraid of falling.

i’m afraid of breathing. there’s little things in the air - i refuse to think of them as creatures or beings - and there is pollution and there is pain. yes, pain. people breathe it out when they exhale, slowly, with eyes closed tightly and fists clenching the covers and teeth biting their tongue because they refuse to scream.

i some

one wishif i had one wish:

there’d be a man and a woman, somewhere. except the woman’s more of a girl and the man’s more a boy. because that’s what they are, really, but they like pretending they’re grown up.

they’d be dancing. only, it wouldn’t really be dancing. it’d be more of he leads, she follows, but they’re just so cute together and they’re having fun and isn’t that what dancing is?

they think so.

he’d grab her by the wrists and say she’s beautiful. she’d smile and laugh like she believes him. he’d kiss the place over where her lungs are - not her heart. because

Today I DreamedToday I dreamed.

I dreamed I was a bird. I wasn’t sure what kind; I didn’t take time to pick one. But if anyone cares, I think it was a bluebird. Or maybe a mockingbird.

I decided I’d be the kind that never left home. I’d be happy at home, I think. You’d be a bird, too, and I’d find you and we’d have little birds and we’d build a nest and we’d be happy. Together. Isn’t that what matters?

But the thing I’d like most about being a bird is the wings. I’d be able to go anywhere, anytime. And even though I wouldn’t, I still could. It’s the idea of freedom that really matters.

my puzzle's not completeshe says:
i feel like i’m being left out,
and it’s like i’m missing
this huge puzzle piece
that everything revolves around and
i just don’t understand.

it’s a horrible feeling.
it’s like
you should know,
but you don’t,
and you feel like
the world thinks
you’re an idiot for it.

he says:
i’m sorry,
but i can’t fix it.
i don’t know how.

i feel like
someone’s laughing at me.

I LearnedHoney, what’d you learn in school today?

I learned that the world is cruel. I learned that people will try to take your dreams. They will try to rip them into tiny little shreds and then burn them; burn them until they’re only ashes and there’s no proof they existed. There’s only the memory, and you’ll start wondering if the memory was only a dream.

I learned that they do this because someone did this to them; because they’ll feel better if they drag you down into a pit of hell with them. It makes them feel like they’ve won. I’ve learned that sometimes, you’ll be just like them. Sometimes, you

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[x]

introduction.

by ~Amertie, Mar 17, 2009, 10:46:07 PM
Literature / Poetry / General Poetry / Free Verse

one.

i want to pick up the fallen leaves
from the branches of my heart; dust off
my cloudy dreams and find hope again,
hidden under closed eyelids and
almost-collapsing lungs.

i want to smile.

two.

sometimes i think that happiness
is hiding from me.

[it's afraid that i'll taint it.]

three.

when i look at my icon,
i see a giraffe.

four.

i have problems believing
in people - their hearts are too
darkened by apathy and pain; like
storm clouds waiting to drown the world
and strike us all down with lightning,
one by one,

and

i have problems believing
in me.

[sometimes i wonder if the two are connected.]

five.

sometimes i am hopeful. sometimes
the clouds are a land of untold fairy tales,
and i close my eyes just to hear my heart
breathe.

some days, i can look in the mirror and see the best of me;
i can stand the silence and it's not lonely because
living is enough,

six.

but sometimes i'm just hopeless.

seven.

i am silence. i am quiet words and
unspoken thoughts. my heart's voice
is hidden by the veil i put around it,

but i'm ready for a change.

introduction.by ~Amertie

Literature / Poetry / General Poetry / Free Verse

©2009-2013 ~Amertie

the first in the 100 themes challenge.

kay's can be found here - [link]

I DARE YOU TO CLICK THE LINK.

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

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~~neutral 0 0~~

!maddiemoo39 Apr 3, 2009

_ily.

Reply

~Amertie Apr 12, 2009

ily too.

Reply

!maddiemoo39 Apr 16, 2009

♥

Reply

~Rainning-Ink Mar 23, 2009

*sigh* I love your words and the way you put them.

Reply

~Amertie Mar 26, 2009

thank you.

Reply

~badboysluvr Mar 20, 2009

Amazing as always.

I can relate, although the giraffe is hiding from me

Reply

~Amertie Mar 21, 2009

i can't see it if i look dead-on at it.
but if i look at it out of the corner of my eye.

the giraffe's stalking me.

Reply

~badboysluvr Mar 21, 2009

I don't know if that's good or bad haha.

Reply

*ohsostarryeyed Mar 20, 2009

you write lovely-ly. and i told you you'd own the challenge...IN THE FACEEE.

Reply

~Amertie Mar 20, 2009

lovely-ly. D:
I DO NOT OWN IT,
IT OWNS ME.

Reply