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and i'll be the painter. by ~Amertie:iconAmertie:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Horror & Macabre > Open


your skin is feather
white, and i imagine

littering your face
with half-moon marks;
i imagine

the noises you'd make,
like a chalkboard,
darling,

and i'm going to be the nails.

your screams
will be thunder,
a train screeching to a

stop.

i imagine
your eyes
are full of our dreams,

and i'll bring the nightmares
to the surface;

your skin is feather-white,
darling. you are a canvas waiting

to be drenched
in blood.
©2009 ~Amertie
:iconamertie:

Author's Comments

.

Comments


:iconawasteof-paint:
~Awasteof-paint Jul 13, 2009, 4:24:20 PM
i love the way you used darling!
it reminds me of the song cheers, darling by damien rice.
excellent song btw.

you WINNN.

--
we will fold and freeze together far away from here.
:icongir-gir:
*Gir-Gir Jul 13, 2009, 4:26:20 PM
o_o

:clap:

:heart:

:love:

--
With love,

*Gir-Gir

--------
Fly me away,
take me away,
:iconautio-ainoa:
~Autio-Ainoa Jul 13, 2009, 4:29:39 PM
holy shit.
this gave me the shivers.

you have so much variety, girl, I'm jealous. :heart:

--
this is who i am
escapist, paradise seeker
:iconshootingstar2428:
~shootingstar2428 Jul 13, 2009, 4:32:15 PM
ooooh, frightening!

but in a good way.

--
"words are alive;
cut them and they bleed."
-ralph waldo emerson
:iconplatinummyr:
=platinummyr Jul 13, 2009, 4:36:31 PM
Woah... ending totally unexpected there. :heart:

--
*TheWritersMeow
A birthday is just a day, you say.
But it's a special day.
It's the day you first changed the world.
:iconpixi11:
~Pixi11 Jul 13, 2009, 4:43:01 PM
amazing, as always. <3
:iconpardonm3:
~pardonM3 Jul 13, 2009, 4:47:41 PM
I love
littering your face
with half-moon marks;
i imagine
&
your skin is feather-white,
darling. you are a canvas waiting


Minor suggestion:
'Drenched in blood' sounds all too familiar, and is nothing like the rest of the language used in the piece.
How about something that reminds one of blood instead of saying it outright? Unless that was intended.
:iconuver:
=UVER Jul 13, 2009, 5:02:06 PM
"i imagine
the noises you'd make,
like a chalkboard,
darling,
and i'm going to be the nails.
your screams
will be thunder,
a train screeching to a
stop."

That part was gold. :heart:

And nice ending, didn't expect that. :)

--
"Don't be afraid to be deceived, for the world is already full of deception."
:iconxoxoraybaybay:
*xoxoraybaybay Jul 13, 2009, 5:03:19 PM


this made my hands tremble
and my heart sigh.

bloody fantastic <3
:iconvelocity07:
~velocity07 Jul 13, 2009, 5:35:15 PM
This gave me goosebumps on my arms. I really love how you used the word "darling." It gave it a mischievious feel. :heart:
Well done!
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