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:iconamertie: More from Amertie


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writting by steal-my-fate

Literature by Mid-Day


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Submitted on
July 1, 2009
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1.
press fireflies to
dirty ribcage, pulling
night's promise closer.


2.
make music
on lake surface to close eyes
to reflections.


3.
you are a lullaby
i sing
to sleep.


4.
i hear your voice
in the whisper
of waves.


5.
fingernails scratch
demons
in mind.


6.
autumn's snowflakes fall,
touched by wind; ground is a blank
canvas to their shades.


7.
mascara    prints       dawn pillows


8.
whispers
among ashes:
i'm here


9.
october scent
found in leaves, hidden
among letters


10.
yellow rubber
skims the surface;
quack quack.


11.
tiny prints
and children's laughter
speckle shores.


12.
wax   tricked  -  becomes      puddles.


13.
a confession:
night screams
only for you


14.
a cry, a flash;
feathers lie
scattered


15.
ribcage's music
rocks
the treetops.


16.
bubbles
litter sky
pop


17.
needles
tickle
feet awake.


18.
red lights
sprinkle the street
with rain.


19.
thorns
prickled with
flames.


20.
chimes are bass
in nature's orchestra,
played by wind.


21.
splashing water
cakes mud
between toes.


22.
late night
thunder
sparks.


23.
age
wrinkles brown
petals.


24.
morning voices
shout
down hallways.


25.
letters
rock
in ocean's cradle.


26.
fingernails tap
at glass -
goodbye.


27.
rain drops
on silent porch
step.


28.
stadium lights
faces of strangers.


29.
music spills
into waiting
dawn.


30.
a few words
and trust
stolen.


31.
webs glitter
under porchlight
critters scatter
so. this is for =Iscariot-Priest's July Haikuthon [go here for details].

will update this daily.
but i won't spam your inbox with the updates.

i know. well. pretty much nothing about haiku.
so, i'm hoping i get at least decent by the time this is over.

i'll love you forever if you help me.

[and before anyone asks.
no, most of these won't follow the 5-7-5 rule.
please don't suggest me to change it unless you think it'll help the poem itself. i'm not one for format if it's restricting.]

finally finishedddd.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconthatsparklystalker:
ThatSparklyStalker Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2013
i actually have an active dislike of haikus. This literally flipped my opinion upside down. 
Reply
:icondamagedhomewrecker:
DamagedHomewrecker Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
stanzas 1, 8, 9, and 13 are my favorites<3. lovely images
Reply
:iconcasey-wirrwarr:
Casey-Wirrwarr Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009
:heart:
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009
:hug:
Reply
:iconcasey-wirrwarr:
Casey-Wirrwarr Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009
:hug:
Reply
:iconaway-from-me:
Away-From-Me Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2009
13 could/should be a poem in itself. :heart:
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2009
i'll think about making it a poem, then. =]
Reply
:iconsepulchral-roses:
Sepulchral-Roses Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I love 'em all...they're all little bits of illumination =)

Oh, and may I ask - if not the five seven five, then what format did you use? (I think there's a three five three, but I know next to nothing about haikus lol)

:heart: 25 - 30. They're really awesome.
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2009
thank you. =]

and i'm not using a format. haha.
i've read a lot of essays that agree that format isn't what matters, it's the brevity.
Reply
:iconsepulchral-roses:
Sepulchral-Roses Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome! =)

Yeah, brevity is something that truly marks a haiku (and it's also "the soul of wit"!) >.< I'm no good at being brief. Well, yay for being witless!
Reply
:iconsubstitutesadist:
SubstituteSadist Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2009
it flows, even though every time one ends it feels like the end of the world.
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2009
:heart:
that made me smile.
Reply
:iconsubstitutesadist:
SubstituteSadist Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2009
(:
Reply
:iconreddragonfly:
RedDragonfly Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2009
Thanks for joining the haikuthon- here's a poem I wrote for you based on my memory of reading your set!
I think this is a version of one we were making adjustments to:

last night's tears
only stains on the pillow today
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2009
ohh, i like that. =]
Reply
:icononeofthose-rachels:
oneofthose-rachels Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009
i lovelovelove 26,
because you've built such a stark image with just five words.
it's amazing. :heart:
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009
thank you.
Reply
:iconphizzbin:
Phizzbin Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2009
Hello Amertie -- nice haiku! You're an excellent poet. I write a lot of poetry too, but I don't post it, because people can steal the stuff as you apparently found out recently. Keep writing! Were you joking when you said you were only 15? If this is true, you probably are something of a genius, at least with language. I do hope you will get formally published someday. Peace -- Phizzbin
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2009
thanks so much. =]
and yes, people are awful like that.
haha, no, i wasn't joking. i'm really 15. and thanks, i hope i get published formally someday, too. <3
Reply
:iconjadedgrace:
JadedGrace Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2009
i love it but it won't let me fav!
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2009
aw, oh well.
thanks. =]
Reply
:iconbatmanwithbunnyears:
BatmanWithBunnyEars Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2009   General Artist
Hmmm...Number 20 seems odd, because the chimes are playing bass, although most chimes are remarkably high in pitch. Perhaps if you had really big chimes, they could sound low, which would be kind of cool. I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud (so to speak).

Also, I find 26 most emotive, because I picture a couple in love, with one of them being taken away in a taxi, to a promising but lonlier life. A tap on the window glass is a final goodbye.
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2009
i'll play with it. i had some problems with 20.

and thanks. =]
Reply
:iconplatinummyr:
platinummyr Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: :heart: Great job, Amertie!
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2009
thanks. =]
Reply
:icontheafterwhys:
TheAfterWhys Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Bravo! :clap: Congratulations on finishing it. They're wonderful.

red lights
sprinkle the street
with rain.


I think this one is my favorite, because I seen black nights and golden lit streets, and cars passing by splashing waves up onto the sidewalk before stopping.
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2009
thanks. =]
that one is definitely one of my favorites. :heart:
Reply
:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009  Student Writer
i loved all your pieces, great work!!
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2009
thanks.
Reply
:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2009  Student Writer
You're welcome (:
Reply
:iconxxxmuffin:
xXxMuFfIn Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
You're amazing.
Eloquent, but concise.
Just.
ugh (idon'tevenknowwhattosay).
Superb.
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2009
thank you.
Reply
:iconhannatool:
hannatool Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I think in a lot of ways you express the intent of haiku without using its form. I like how you use very few words, properly chosen and placed, to express some meaning or to show a picture. (I believe of summertime although the themes of each one are varied) I particularly liked, 3,4,5,8,29, and 30. I think those were a lot more poignant than the others and they really stuck out to me. Thank you for sharing your work!
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
thank you so much. =]
and yes, i don't really use the form. forms just. bother me, i guess.
Reply
:iconsummernightangel:
summernightangel Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
my favorite one is three. but these are like, the epitome of haiku: few words that make whole and vivid scenes. so. awesome. :heart:
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
thank so much. =]
Reply
:iconeternalfreedom:
EternalFreedom Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
:w00t:
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
:heart:
Reply
:iconeternalfreedom:
EternalFreedom Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
:iconbigheartplz:
Reply
:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
30 is so true. I love the way you communicate the idea so succinctly. I really like 31 too, critters is a great word :D
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
thank you.
Reply
:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconpardonm3:
pardonM3 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
22. I dig the stacked structure. Works very well here.

25. 'in ocean's cradle' is a bit harsh-sounding to me. It needs another article to smooth it out. Alternatively, you can change 'in' to 'an', though that would alter the meaning.

letters
rock in
an ocean's cradle

letters
rock
an ocean's cradle.



27. I'd add an article before silent - you're doing well with the conciseness, but sometimes we need the little things.

rain drops
on a silent porch
step.

rain drops
on the silent porch
step.


I played with some enjambment, too. Somethin' to think about:

rain drops
on the silent
porch step



28. Though I see what you're doing by breaking it up into three lines, I think it looks, sounds, and generally seems to flow better as a two-liner. The hyphen helps push the reader to realization sooner. Also added 'the' because of the hyphen.

stadium lights -
the faces of strangers.



29. Way to take advantage of senses. =)
'waiting' could take an article before it, and I'm sure a lot of people would demand that, but I think it's fine as is.

30. <3

31. I'm diggin' the pairs of 't's and 'er's as well as the combination of 'glitter' & 'scatter'. The words used here are rather staccato, further conveying the image of things scattering.


:boogie:
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
i'm still playing with 25. do you think it's missing anything?
kayley and i decided it is. i don't know.

i'll add an article on 27 and think about playing with enjambment.
and i will definitely change 28 to two lines. love that.

thanks so much. :heart:
i really do love your critique.
Reply
:iconpardonm3:
pardonM3 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
25. Now that I think of it, I don't quite understand it.
The pretty images distracted me. :p
What moment did you want to convey?

27. I was looking over my enjambment suggestion, and thought it was missing something:

rain drops
on the silent
porch steps


Now it makes more sense (juxtaposition of rain drops & porch steps).


& you are always welcome, y'know. =)
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
25. messages in a bottle.

27. i like that more. i'll play with it later. =]
thanks.
Reply
:icontheleavesofmemory:
TheLeavesOfMemory Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I :heart: 8

but they are all amazing :love:
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
thanks. =]
Reply
:icontasha25:
Tasha25 Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
31 is so pretty.

and 'critters scatter' just sounds adorable.

:heart:
Reply
:iconamertie:
Amertie Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2009
thanks. =]
Reply
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